India is a very hospitable country. The people are helpful and polite to strangers and travellers, most of the time. All through our travel we have relied on the locals for guiding us to hotels, forts, shopping haunts and on to the highways. It’s only when we are on the highways though, without a soul in sight, that we are completely at the mercy of our two navigation systems - GoGo India and SatNav.

Our initial interaction with both of them was courteous and delightful. After exchanging a few pleasantries, establishing a few ground rules (I’m in charge of feeding in our destination, they should let us know of any turns and bends in the roads well in advance, should use those husky, soft voices while talking to Joe if they want his attention, etc.) and familiarising ourselves with their various menus & options - we were on our way.

The first trip was an eye-opener. Both these ladies knew the roads of Bombay better than I did! They led us quickly from the flag off ceremony at Worli to Andheri, where we spent some time with family & friends before we left for Ghodbunder, our first halt for this trip. Their directions were precise, accurate and delivered in that sexy voice that had Joe super-excited about the prospect of spending the better part of these ten days in the Cedia!

Looks can be deceptive

Like moths to a flame, we were captivated by these beauties. We advanced towards Daman and then onto Surat without any hindrance. Once in Surat though, all hell broke lose!

Surat, like all financial centres, is a bustling town. Everyone marches on the roads with a purpose, traffic is heavy, fast and a little scary (those chakadas can take some sharp turns without any warning!) 

The fact that we hadn’t sorted our hotel bookings yet added to our woes. After consulting a few friends and colleagues who had worked in the city, we zeroed in on Hotel Yuvraj, located near the railway station. Of course by that time we were quite lost somewhere near Vithal wadi, the traffic was so busy that we couldn’t stop and ask for directions.

Joe: Which way do I go now?
Me: Let me key in Surat Station.

Crime-master GoGo lets me feed ‘Surat’ very quickly, Sattu is a lot more shy and takes time to digest each letter of our proposed destination.

Crime-master GoGo: Drive carefully.
Sattu, meanwhile, calculates the route silently, mulling over it like a tricky algebra problem.
Crime-master GoGo: Take the second exit at the round-about
Sattu: (in a much softer tone) Keep left

Me: Why does she say second exit at the round-about, why can’t she say ‘go straight from the circle’??
Joe: That’s the propah way of giving directions. Her accent is soooo Brit! (all smiles)

We approach a fly-over.

Joe: Do I go over this?
Me: GoGo’s blue colored route says keep going straight, should take the fly-over
Sattu: Keep left
Joe & Me: That’s confusing! (We climb the bridge slowly, eyes peeled for some road signs)
Crime-master GoGo: Take a U-turn (bright red, U-shaped arrow, flickering brightly on her screen)
Sattu: (no directions, indicates that we should continue straight ahead by flashing a few lights, and rotating the map to give some sort of 3D view of this maze)
Joe: U-turn, a U-turn on the flyover!! Arrrrgh! B&*&^@*^!!!

We descend the fly-over.

Crime-master GoGo: (in a shrill tone) Turn Left! Turn Left!
Crime-master GoGo: Route re-calculation
Sattu: (in a cool, calm voice) Turn left in 500m
Me: (Panicking) This doesn’t look good Joe, we are on some sort of expressway! Only flyovers ahead, some signs showing this is the route to Dandi?!?!
Joe: (afraid that the crazy bikers will nick the car) Key in Surat station again, let her re-calculate all over again!
Sattu: Approaching left turn in 100m

We take the left turn. Crime-master GoGo again goes into ‘route re-calculation’ mode.

Me: Let’s stop and ask for directions

Joseph stops the car next to a shopping complex. Helpful folks, after spitting out some betel juice, guide us in the rough direction towards the station. The two of us concur that maybe its time to switch off both of these bimbos and look for the place the old-fashioned way. After negotiating some one-ways and a few very, very narrow lanes, we reach the elusive Hotel Yuvraj.

Joe: (Trying to see the lighter side of things) May be they are new to Surat, just like us!
Me: Yeah right! T^@&@!!! &*!^%!! May be you should have relied on your flesh-and-blood navigator a lot more and we would have reached earlier!

Security guard outside the hotel: Welcome Madam, kya aapke paas booking hai?