Like most of us, as a toddler ,when for the first time crayons came in my hand.. I scribbled over the walls-undefined forms..forms that were not perfect squares or circles..or triangles..or anything defined by co-ordinates.
Then as I grew.. and was institutionalized .. my hand was caught and I was made to learn.. the bound scripts…the alphabets.. the forms.. that were supposed to mean something.. something previously defined and sensible. Drawing and writing something that was as meaningful to me as were my undefined figures. I was becoming affiliated to something that existed..already… i was being accepted as a part of existing system…
That was where the Ruined artist was born… one which all of us have…one who had something else in mind but was made to do what he somehow was supposed to do.

Occasionally it manifested in random sketches on the last few pages of school notebooks..or school benches.Then when I was grown enough to tell my parents.. that I want to be artist.. i was told.. no you are not grown enough…to decide.. this.. and Artist??... y so ..? you are good at sciences… art can be a hobby for sure.. but not a profession… !
Affiliations… give a feeling of security… so we go for them.. As we define ourselves with…‘ism’ , ‘ite’ or ‘ian’ and gain acceptability to a larger community we loose our sense of individuality…

I feel people define you from what you chose for yourself, and what you are…
but there is a larger story attached to it ...of.. what you din’t chose for yourself.. and what you are not.
What you reject is what makes you..as importantly as what you choose.
But then most of us.. want secure jobs.. secure lives.. and a set pattern of life .. and we do a barter… with them…we set a price tag to us.. and then get hired .. doing the jobs that are imposed…. If lucky enough .. then doing something close to what we intend to.. but not exactly what we wanted…
keeping our dreams aside…to be taken care of later..when we will have enough money to realize those dreams…
Believe me even after 10 years there would not be enough money.. to realize dreams.. because those dreams either will be lost down the path.. or other responsibilities will over power… so there is no time better than NOW to chase your dreams..
Security surely is important.. so is money… but not at the cost of dreams..
Of course it might take a few years before one’s ideas get accepted and become ‘marketable’ but its nothing less than a bliss , a moksha.. to be able to do what you always dreamt to .. be it being an artist or a scientist.. or a philosopher ...or whatever.. but totally in unison with your inner-self..the maximization of your potentials ...the complete Self actualization…and realisation and revelation… leaving no conflict between your inner self and actual being.
A complete cohesion of what you are, what you wanted to be, what you are perceived as ..
What can be more bliss full than this absolute transparency…

When such a thing happens… One is in a constant orgasmic state… ! The bliss of meditation.When i say meditation i don’t mean to sit in some dark corner ..close the eyes..and chant mantras.. but this is a meditation through one’s work.. one’s karma.. !
Happiness is so easy to achieve…
Translating your thoughts into actions shall do the wonder.
See how then the bond of thought and action works for you…
the sutra of karma ..
This is Karmasutra .. the bond that connects you to your inner self.. and is also the centre of your connection with the outer world. If there is no centre.. there is no circle.
What can be a better meditation than this,that works inside and outside both .

What happened of the ruined artist ?

I don’t miss my love for art..any more..for it is around..always…
I’m not into arts…
but art surely is into me..
Though I know I’m a lesser artist for rest of my life…
For when art is for a cause.. aesthetics take a backseat…

But I’m happy…I’m working on my master piece…and also living it.
One which shall destroy me ...for ever.

For what can be a better path to liberation than an artist (Fan-kaar) getting to
Ruins ( Fannah ) from his Karma.

Karmasutra™ of a Ruined Artist
ⓒ 2009 Dr Gaurav Chhabra